life on life’s terms

so my holiday started on a rather bleak note.

mom came out of hospital on saturday and during my day of nursing and running around i broke my toe. the pain was awful but more than that the immobility has been indescribably frustrating. i haven’t been able to run. running, my only source of sanity in this madness. christmas is already so stressful in my family – and now on top of that there’s a break up to get through and get over (in a non self-destructive manner); moving into my new home; nursing of operated mother and my broken toe. whats the catch God? What am i not getting here? Is there not another way for you to teach me this ‘lesson’ – because thats all this could possibly be – is a ‘lesson’. not co-incidence.

Was so looking forward to fetching my brother from the airport today to help relieve some pressure and really, just have something to smile about. but no, of course his plane has been delayed by 8 hours.

Fetching him at 10 tonight.

I had a meltdown this morning. just what i needed. a good cry.

better now, so will stop complaining.

at least i sang some carols last night. brought back fond memories of rustenburg junior school.
life was easy and simple then – no responsibilities. buggar.

writing keeps me going.

my best friend jayne, also keeps me going.

And what i can say i have definitely  learnt so far is that i have a problem with relaxing. i cannot do nothing. The universe broke my toe, to teach me how to do nothing.

ok enough now. I get the message.

surrender.

Brothers and Sisters was disappointing my friends! average.  i must say though – i’m very happy that justin and rebecca have broken up. no romance please. not yet.

speaking of romance – went to watch ‘couples retreat’ with my sister earlier this week. didn’t look romantic. bunch of unhappy couples go to an island to try and ‘save their marriage’ ? pffftf. like, WHATEVER. we all know, couples therapy doesn’t work.

but ALAS, they ALL stayed together and lived happily ever after. i said, no romance please.

But what did i expect, i mean REALLY. a Hollywood flick like that, was not going to end in sadness. It was funny, but totally retarded and brainless. great for escapism.

I decided yesterday that from today(thats me, always thinking of tomorrow!) i will be taking a holiday from my brain. i will stop trying to be perfect and happy. and just be.  no analysing. no obsessing. no planning. i will let go of the ‘planner’ in me and surrender to the universe.

AMEN.

p.s im going out tonight.

nerdy nerd.

what IS a nerd anyway? am i  a nerd because i would rather watch Brothers and Sisters tonight than go out and ‘party’ ? PUUUUZZZZA thursday everyone! woop dee woop!

small vomit in mouth

and because i love defining. lets looks at the wikipedia definition of a nerd:

Nerd is a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age-inappropriate(ha ha!) rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people.

intellectual activities? esoteric knowledge? obscure interests? nothing wrong with that. In fact, all those qualities are RAD.

Although i do like to engage in physical activities and do like being social – just not in your caprice/jade/the assembly/ kind of way.

If i am a nerd, i am a proud one.

So, check you peeps on the flipside of Brothers and Sisters. (puuuuzzzaa!)


p.s  Erkel was a nerd but he still liked dancing?

pissing on the present.

i have this problem. i think about the past and the future too much. i have no control over it. but i obsess about  it nonetheless. i am, what most would consider, a ‘worry wort’. i know all the proverbs, i know logistically that ‘worrying is like a rocking chair, it may keep you moving, but wont get you anywhere’. but my obsession defies all logic. it takes over my busy little worrisome brain and paralyses me. there are moments when i feel completely content and at peace with ‘now’, but it doesn’t happen often enough.  Today, i am struggling with the now. i cant stay in it.  Maybe tomorrow – it will be better.

tomorrow?

see?

grrr.