my utopia?

For me, Oslo is like a dreamland, where all my anxiety dissipates and peace of mind is the only option.

I know you think OK, well all holidays feel like that, right? No. Not for me. Some are stressful. Some come with irritations and exhaustion. Not Oslo.

I have a few friends that live there, making it more appealing and it makes for a really awesome holiday destination because I get to see the city through the eyes of locals. But also for many other reasons which I will now go over:

It is a healthy society with a high standard of living and equality.

Low crime, low social unrest, good education system, good incomes, pensions, care for the weaker in society, etc.

Amazing landscapes, especially in the Fjord country, but all over.

Being arrogant is frowned upon, there is a sense of openness to others and a respect of differences.

They have a tax structure that prevents huge inequalities in society, equality of opportunity in education and work for all.

They have the highest per capita newspaper readership, high engagement in political debate with few barriers for people entering politics.

It feels like everyone is an activist. But that may be only those in my immediate network.

It feels like my idea of Utopia. If there was ever anything close to it, Oslo would be it for me.

Have you been? What did you think?


Some kiff stuff.

Some kiff stuff has been happening dudes.

its been a while since i have written. i guess i have been busy.

lets reflect.

as the days roll by, my life here in London brings more and more magic. Summer is coming to an end, but we are still being blessed with some blue skies.

I am going to be an auntie.

Ekhard Tolle has taught me how to let go of time and switch off my mind so i can enjoy the moment instead of being defined by yesterday and looking for satisfaction in tomorrow.  The only time is now. What a relief!

I went to Paris and spent some good quality time with my Dad.

I have conquered some demons. Conquering them has brought me to my knees and therefore lifted me up to a place where i feel at peace and in self. Conquering them has brought love back into me and therefore strengthened other love partnerships.

One of those love partnerships has reached an whole new level of consciousness and after over a year apart, physically, we will finally be together again. as 2 almost wholes. not 2 halves.

I have the most wonderful house-mates. i have the most wonderful home. i just love coming home at night after a long day at work.

mel and stu

oh and i work with wonderful people too. i am laughing more than i have in years. i am a stones throw away from some of the most beautiful cities in the world and it costs close to nothing to get there.

i am going home in december, to THE most beautiful city in the world to see family, friends, the sun, and my beloved dogs.

my bitches.

but before that, i can look forward to two weeks off from work in November to go on a long overdue holiday with my love, in the English countryside.

I think i can call  this a gratitude list.

Got inked.

The seed has been planted. The first domino has fallen.

They say very few people only have one tattoo because after the first, you always want to go back for more.

Getting a tattoo was never anything I would have imagined I would do. I had kind of thought about it, like, ‘ya that would be nice’ – but nothing had happened, or meant enough to me, that inspired me to want to ink it onto my body forever. Until I got to London, and went to Norway. Until my life transformed. Until I felt a transformation occurring inside me. A transformation that spurred on a sequence of events that led me to go to Angel in North London on Friday afternoon, 12 August 2011, a celebratory day already for me, to get a tattoo of the words Jeg elsker deg on my wrist.

The tattoo is for me. To remind me that if i love me, no matter what, everything will always fall into place. To remind me of this time. To remind me that in fear, i must look to love. It’s written in Norwegian for many reasons, because of my soul sister, Nosizwe Baqwa who taught me Jeg elsker deg when we were ten years old in junior school – and i have never forgotten those words, because my magical trip to Oslo this year reconnected me with myself. And whats coincidental, is that a week after i returned from Oslo, they experienced their worst massacre in history. And i watched, online, all the Norwegians come together in love. Not war. But love. And that, my friends, is inspiring and something we can all learn from.

I feel amazing. Doing something for me, like this, has made me feel more IN myself than ever before.

Life is good. Just for today.



Oslo magic



Oh if I could describe it in words I could. Pictures dont even do it justice. And it wasn’t only the city, but the people i was with. The energy. The warmth, the vibe. My oldest friend Nosizwe. The only friend who truly liberates me, reaches inside my soul and reveals my truth. That explosive Amy who believed in everything, in herself, in the world, who slowly over time became corrupted by society and all the disappointments and expectations. Who lost faith. Its always been there. And I’m slowly finding it again.

Singing in the streets, taking over the dance floors. Nosizwe attracts love and vibrancy. Together we create magic.  And now she has given the world a gift of a child. A warrior, Aaella.



I feel so calm, free.

Cautiously happy. But not cautious. Wondering, should I be cautious?

Communitcaing with love on an entirely new level. The love I have inside for me, and for others.

I have love scattered all over Germany, London, and now Norway. I need to see more, meet more, feel more. There is so much. This is what it is all about people. This is why I came here. Not to live some structured planned-out life thats fits into a box. Not to control my destiny, but rather to live it. Let it be. Let it unfold organically. I choose to not live the life my conditioning tells me I ‘should’ live. Screw the ‘shoulds’

This post takes emo to an entirely new level. But i dont care! Your opinion of me is none of my business anyway.


it hurts and it doesn’t.

it hurts when i look back. when i remember.

it hurts when i think of crushed dreams.

it hurts when i feel you next to me, in my head.

it hurts when i look back.


it doesn’t hurt when i think of the 90% you were only able to give.

it doesn’t hurt when i run.

it doesn’t hurt when im listening to the music i love, and you never liked.

it doesn’t hurt when i think of how unenthusiastic you were.

it doesn’t hurt when i remember how anxious i was.

it doesn’t hurt when i think of what could be, without you.

but it hurts what i think of what could have been, with you.

it hurts and it doesn’t.