letting go.

It’s so underrated.

I think, because it is impossible to articulate in words.

It’s almost impossible to explain or encourage someone to let go. Or tell a story about how you let go and what it did for you and your life/sanity/happiness.

I have a story about letting go.

I had a crappy ‘trying to control everything’ week, about two weeks ago.Yes, beginning of August.

I was dying. Well, ok, it felt like I was dying. So much pain. And so irritatingly unnecessary. But also necessary to the letting go part. Its the whole ‘from pain comes growth’ etc etc . blah blah.

When I try to extert too much control over people or circumstances in my life –  its like im poking my finger in the machine that is my entire life. And literally fucking up the whole process while I’m at it.  If I was to actually poke my finger into a machine – firstly it would chop my finger off – which explains the pain – and secondly it would slow everything down and mess with the general functionality of the machine.

OH THE METAPHORS. i. am. so. clever.

We need to put in effort. Put in action everyday towards our dreams/goals/plans, but when we try to exert too much power, it fucks out. and it hurts.

So I went through this. I kind of knew what I was doing. But eventually, I surrendered. and suddenly everything fell into place. All the outcomes I was trying to desperately to make happen, obsessivley and relentlessly, unfolded… only when I let go.

And I felt free.

Relieved.

Content.

In the present.

Peaceful.

Accepting.

All those serene emotions we all wish we felt all the time – I was  overcome with them.

After all these beautiful amazing events unfolded I was like… what happened? Oh, shit, I let go.

It’s always, after the fact.

And we can never force it.

It just happens.

and the trick is to be aware of the control and accept and how pointless it is.

Then, comes surrender.

And finally, serenity.

I hold onto that now, today. I hold it gently and appreciate the gift of awareness.

I have it.

God, its wonderful.

Like spooning.
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