its been a while since i have written. i guess i have been busy.

lets reflect.

as the days roll by, my life here in London brings more and more magic. Summer is coming to an end, but we are still being blessed with some blue skies.

I am going to be an auntie.

Ekhard Tolle has taught me how to let go of time and switch off my mind so i can enjoy the moment instead of being defined by yesterday and looking for satisfaction in tomorrow.  The only time is now. What a relief!

I went to Paris and spent some good quality time with my Dad.

I have conquered some demons. Conquering them has brought me to my knees and therefore lifted me up to a place where i feel at peace and in self. Conquering them has brought love back into me and therefore strengthened other love partnerships.

One of those love partnerships has reached an whole new level of consciousness and after over a year apart, physically, we will finally be together again. as 2 almost wholes. not 2 halves.

I have the most wonderful house-mates. i have the most wonderful home. i just love coming home at night after a long day at work.

mel and stu

oh and i work with wonderful people too. i am laughing more than i have in years. i am a stones throw away from some of the most beautiful cities in the world and it costs close to nothing to get there.

i am going home in december, to THE most beautiful city in the world to see family, friends, the sun, and my beloved dogs.

my bitches.

but before that, i can look forward to two weeks off from work in November to go on a long overdue holiday with my love, in the English countryside.

I think i can call  this a gratitude list.

I’ve been meaning to post about this app I’ve been using recently and am finally finding time to give it the attention it deserves.

I like taking photos, a lot. I like looking for beauty, and capturing it. I’m by no means a photographer. In fact, I’m very lazy, as the only camera I use theses day is my I phone 4. But how can I not, when there are so many photo apps out there with all these different tricks?  I am never bored on the train! For a long time, I was using instagram, and I still do every now and then, but I’m a bit bored of the filters now. I’m kinda over the fact that even if i took a photo of a big pooh, instagram would make it look awesome. The thing is with tadaa, the filters feel more genuine and I don’t feel like they completely transform the photo like the instagram filters do. It’s more subtle and each filter has a name, I like that too.  I dont feel like I’m cheating as much. And it takes a little more effort and skill to pick the filter and decide which one is best for what you’re capturing. Another bonus with tadaa is that you are given that option, to look through each filter before taking the photo, whereas with instagram, you cant. You have to take the picture first and then choose the filter – lame guys.

So, lets talk about tadaa. It’s a photo app, but also a social network, like instagram, but way cooler. The design is better, slick, and it feels more intimate. Created by this rad dude in Hamburg I have never met, but feel like I know, the app allows for users to like each others photos and if your photos get a heck load of likes, it makes it to the awesome tab. The more likes and followers you get the more points/money you make – not real money obviously, but still cool. What I like most about it? I don’t know anyone on it, and users are scattered all around the world. Most of the captions are written in foreign languages, when I have time, I end up Google translating, but most times I just make up my own story about the photo. I feel like i know these people!

Not many Brits using it yet to my knowledge. I have recruited my house mate, who is now addicted. You should try it, really. Follow me, amymaybe and see who I’m following. They’re all rad.

They say very few people only have one tattoo because after the first, you always want to go back for more.

Getting a tattoo was never anything I would have imagined I would do. I had kind of thought about it, like, ‘ya that would be nice’ – but nothing had happened, or meant enough to me, that inspired me to want to ink it onto my body forever. Until I got to London, and went to Norway. Until my life transformed. Until I felt a transformation occurring inside me. A transformation that spurred on a sequence of events that led me to go to Angel in North London on Friday afternoon, 12 August 2011, a celebratory day already for me, to get a tattoo of the words Jeg elsker deg on my wrist.

The tattoo is for me. To remind me that if i love me, no matter what, everything will always fall into place. To remind me of this time. To remind me that in fear, i must look to love. It’s written in Norwegian for many reasons, because of my soul sister, Nosizwe Baqwa who taught me Jeg elsker deg when we were ten years old in junior school – and i have never forgotten those words, because my magical trip to Oslo this year reconnected me with myself. And whats coincidental, is that a week after i returned from Oslo, they experienced their worst massacre in history. And i watched, online, all the Norwegians come together in love. Not war. But love. And that, my friends, is inspiring and something we can all learn from.

I feel amazing. Doing something for me, like this, has made me feel more IN myself than ever before.

Life is good. Just for today.

magic.

Oh if I could describe it in words I could. Pictures dont even do it justice. And it wasn’t only the city, but the people i was with. The energy. The warmth, the vibe. My oldest friend Nosizwe. The only friend who truly liberates me, reaches inside my soul and reveals my truth. That explosive Amy who believed in everything, in herself, in the world, who slowly over time became corrupted by society and all the disappointments and expectations. Who lost faith. Its always been there. And I’m slowly finding it again.

Singing in the streets, taking over the dance floors. Nosizwe attracts love and vibrancy. Together we create magic.  And now she has given the world a gift of a child. A warrior, Aaella.

warrior.

Cautiously happy. But not cautious. Wondering, should I be cautious?

Communitcaing with love on an entirely new level. The love I have inside for me, and for others.

I have love scattered all over Germany, London, and now Norway. I need to see more, meet more, feel more. There is so much. This is what it is all about people. This is why I came here. Not to live some structured planned-out life thats fits into a box. Not to control my destiny, but rather to live it. Let it be. Let it unfold organically. I choose to not live the life my conditioning tells me I ‘should’ live. Screw the ‘shoulds’

This post takes emo to an entirely new level. But i dont care! Your opinion of me is none of my business anyway.

My most recent one has been, that although when we part ways with some people in our lives, through death, or love, or circumstance, we dont ever really lose that person. As we never owned them in the first place. We never owned them. This. Was. Huge. For me.

I dont own anyone. Well of course I dont! Heavens above Amy. But really, the loss I feel is just a consequence of reality. All people that have had a great impact on my life, exist in my heart and in my soul.  They are never lost.

Kinda defeats that song by The Temper Trap, right?

‘Our love was lost, and now we’ve found iiiit’ – it was never lost you fool!

pic. deviantart.  http://bit.ly/qVhJPs

NOT lost her. NOT

“May you be blessed in the holy names of those who carry our pain up the mountain of transformation.

May you know tender healing and shelter when you are called to stand in the place of pain.

May the places of darkness within you be surprised by light.

May you be granted the wisdom to avoid false resistance and when suffering knocks at the door of your life  you may be able to glimpse its hidden gift.

May you be able to see the fruits of suffering. May memory bless and shelter you with the hard-earned trust of past travail, may this give you confidence and trust.

May a window of light always surprise you.

May the grace of transfiguration heal your wounds.

May you know that even though the storm might rage, not a hair  of your head will be harmed.”

Thank you my plantil. I love you.

My light, its there. Here.

Ideally I would like to live my life by these four codes. I’m not so good at not taking things personally or at not making assumptions.  But, I do always do my best.

Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Read the book: The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

It holds a dream that was.

You, me, on top of (or perhaps crushing?) the world.

What do I do with it now?

fuzzy love.

Thanks so much.